Succeeding at Failure

Kayaking Success

When I was a junior in high school, my drama teacher set my class two challenges, each designed to get us thinking creatively:

  1. Write down as many uses for a brick as you can think of.
  2. Draw three creatures that do not exist, and that are combinations of a bunch of different animals. Use as much detail as you can.
Thinking Creatively

The first challenge was a cinch. I’ve been writing fiction ever since I could hold a pen, and still can switch on daydreams as real as a TV show whenever I get bored. If you ask me to use my imagination to think up impossible things, I’m on solid ground.

Sure, I listed the usual (boring) uses for a brick: house construction, paperweight, impromptu dumb-bell, etc. But then came the fun ones: a piece of a giant’s Lego set, an impenetrable fortress for ant-armies, Twinkie-holder, napkin ring at a brick-layers’ convention, etc.

All this is to say, if you’re looking for something to do with that pile of bricks you have lying around your house for some reason, I’m your girl.

But then came challenge number two. Sure I could think of imaginary animals—how about a zebra-striped cow, with the head of a horse, the legs of a mini-elephant, and the horns of a water buffalo? Oh, and it can talk like a parrot! Oh, and maybe it can jump like a kangaroo! Oh yeah, the ideas were coming fast.

There was just one problem. I can’t draw. Not at all. Even stick figures are a struggle for me. I stared at that blank piece of paper, listening to the excited pencil-scratching coming from my neighbors’ desks, and my cheeks began to burn. I was the only one not drawing.

Venturing Out

I just sat there, with my head down, until the activity was over. I couldn’t even let myself try. I couldn’t even permit a doodle. I couldn’t take the risk that the beautiful image I had in my head might not translate onto paper. Better to be scolded by my teacher for failing to complete the activity, than for it to be known that I might be less than excellent at something. So I just sat there, almost in tears, until the papers were collected.

I’ve thought about that moment a lot since then. Why hadn’t I even tried? Why had I assumed the result would be that horrible, without taking the simple step of just beginning? Why had I decided by the end of elementary school that I Am Not An Artist? End of story, no question about it, no need to try.

So many times, both in camp and out of camp, I see young girls give up on things before they’ve even begun.

“No, I can’t take pottery, I’m not artsy.”

“No way am I going to try out for basketball, I’m not athletic at all.”

“I can’t take the swim test. I’ve never been much of a swimmer.”

Taking the Leap

Somehow, it has become part of our mindset that our talents, our levels of intelligence and understanding, and our potential for achievement are set in stone from the very beginning. The thoughts that were racing through my mind that day in drama class consisted entirely of, I was bad at drawing in elementary school. Therefore, I am bad at drawing now. Therefore, I will always be bad at drawing, no matter how hard I try. Therefore, I should not try.

I know I’m not the only one that thinks this way. We have become so afraid of failure, because we think that that failure defines us even more than the successes that come afterwards. Sure, we know that da Vinci didn’t paint the Mona Lisa the first time he ever touched a paintbrush, and yet somehow we still think that if we fail the first time, then we will inevitably fail every time, with no shot at improvement.

But this is wrong. This is so wrong! Why should I, at 23 years old, have already decided which categories I belong in (Good Writer, Good Reader, Not-Good Drawer, Not-Good Dancer), and given up on changing any of them? Why should a 10 year old camper stand frozen at the edge of the dock on swim demo day, just because somebody told her one time that she wasn’t a very fast swimmer? Why should we throw away the chance to surprise ourselves with new, enjoyable experiences, in an attempt to save our pride from the sting of failure?

Dancing Queens

So here’s the challenge (you knew this was coming): allow yourself to be bad at something once a day. It can be a brand new experience, or an old one that you gave up on long ago. If you’re a bad dancer, then dance like a crazy person with your friends, and laugh when they tell you you’re not so good. If you gave up on piano after one lesson, sit down and bang out “Chopsticks” on the keys, and laugh when you hit a bad note. If you have always wanted to be a poet, then write down that poem that you have bouncing around in your head, and then laugh when you realize it sounds more like a Hallmark Card than Emily Dickinson.

That’s right: laugh. Train yourself to find the joy in failure. When that sinking feeling comes along that tells you to run away from the challenge before it becomes too much, then laugh it away, and try again. And again. And again. And again. Sure, maybe you’ll never be dancing at center stage in Radio City Music Hall, or tickling the ivories like Stevie Wonder, or becoming the next US Poet Laureate—but hey, maybe you will. You’ll never know unless you embrace the possibility that you might just fail, and then go for it anyway.

As for me, I’m still not a great drawer. But I hope that Mr. McFarland will accept this late addition to the creativity project. May I present, the Zebreleffow:

The Zebreleffow

Score A Bathing Suit Body Today!

Bathing suit season can bring quite a bit of anxiety into the worlds of our campers and staff members. We’re inundated with the idea that, before we slip into our bathing suit, our body needs to change- smaller, flatter, smoother. The truth is the only thing that needs to change this bathing suit season is our mindset. We all already posses a body beautiful enough to wear whatever we want, we just need let our mind in on this secret.

Notice What We Notice

We tend to have a complicated relationship with our mirror. Our blemishes and asymmetries are the first thing reflected back to us, while we rarely notice the beauty and functionality of our bodies. When we notice what we tend to focus on in the mirror, we can begin to change our entire worldview. Taking in more of the beauty of our natural image will serve us well during bathing suit season.

Bathing suit season

Think Through Our Thoughts

Our thought patterns are the true culprits that keep us out of our bathing suit. Reconsidering any of our self-limiting mindsets can train us to embrace our beautiful body as it is, just as it is. We can keep an eye on our thoughts when we find ourselves engaged with these restrictive mindsets:

Comparing- We’re only ever going to be ourselves (and isn’t that exciting because we are great!), so we might as well rock a bathing suit on the body we were born with!

All or nothing reasoning- The fun of life lies in between absolute perfection and total failure and not achieving the former does not not automatically make us the latter. Of course, we’re not perfect, but we are strong, beautiful, capable, and lovely!

Confusing feelings with facts- What we feel is not what we are. We may fixate on how we feel about our “flaws”, but this does not mean that we are flawed as a person.

Going overboard- It is so easy to take one small thought and allow it to spiral out of control. For example, we may try on a bathing suit this spring that fits a little snug. This does not indicate that we should never try on anything ever again and that we’re worthless, and that we should go ahead and cancel our beach trip and live in our sweatpants! (See? Our thoughts can get very big very fast!)

bathing suit body

Watch What We’re Watching

Hollywood and glossy magazine ads can quickly negate any positive sense of self-worth that we work so hard to create and maintain. We can keep our own reality in check be recognizing the distortions in these images. With Photoshop, even the models in these photos don’t look like the models in these photos.

Perfect Our Perceptions

There’s a lot more to us as people than how we look. Our minds are sharp and we have so much to offer the world. We are not a number on a scale, the size of our jeans, or the laugh lines on our face.

Pack On The Positive

Let’s allow our minds to celebrate our bodies in all that they do for us. Thank goodness that we are healthy and strong enough to go for a swim in the first place!

Look At The Big Picture

Live boldly! How we look and feel in a bathing suit has very little to do with the quality of our lives. Outside ourselves exists a whole delightfully charming world just waiting to be explored and enjoyed. And oh how lovely that we can experience some of it in a bathing suit!

Smart Girls Have More Fun

We live in a society that sometimes struggles to provide girls with positive role models.  Certain pressures can force young girls to try and become something that they are not simply to fit in.  Girls think they need to be prettier, richer, skinnier, smarter, quieter, louder — the list goes on and on.  The point is, we never feel like the person we are is good enough because we’ve been told over and over that we’re not.  This is why when I heard about Amy Poehler’s Smart Girls at the Party program I was so excited.  The motto for Amy’s program is “Change the world by being yourself.”  How refreshing.  Check out the episode below of Smart Girls in which Amy highlights the cool things about being outdoors, something we care a lot about at camp!

Kudos to Amy Poehler for letting girls know that not only are they OK as they are, but that by being themselves, they are exceptional.

Shut Your Mouth

Being a great camp counselor means being aware of the needs your campers have, even when they don’t express them directly. It can mean knowing when to speak and when to listen. At times, camp life asks us staff to be quiet. Here are a few times when we best serve ourselves by staying silent.

In The Mud

When We’re In The Mud

Anytime we find ourselves engaged in a nasty conversation, we should shut our mouths. Gossip and cruel words about the character, clothing, or personality of anyone else adds no value to our own lives. In fact, those powerful words do quite the opposite. At these times, we can open our mouths only to stand for the hard right against the easy wrong.

When We’re Learning

Teachers come in many forms- bosses, children, friends, books, newspapers, animals, moments, and, of course, teachers. When life is presenting us with a lesson we should work to keep our mouths closed. We can listen and observe, and allow our minds time to process the experience before we jump in with our own opinions.

Friend

When a Friend Comes To Us

Often times, we just want to help. When a friend or loved one comes to us with an issue, our first instinct is to problem solve. We, initially, must resist this urge. Let’s give our friends the time and space they need to explore their troubles from multiple angles. Instead of talking, we can listen, nod, empathize, and speak only when our loved one elicits our help. Mostly though, in this moment, they are searching for a listening ear.

When Good Things Are Happening Without Us

This shut-our-mouths moment is crucial for those of us who work with children. We want to facilitate conflict management, encourage healthy risk-taking, and manage our children’s choices so that they will make the right ones. Of course, we need to model best behaviors and teach our children healthy and wholesome ways to live their lives. After this, we can take a step back now and then. We’ll be amazed at how well children can manage their own arguments and how gracefully they can implement the lessons we’ve passed on to them. Practice makes perfect. Let them practice without us every once in a while.

When People Are Watching Us

…and we’re watched more than we realize. What we say helps those around us determine who we are as a person. If what you are about to say may speak negatively about your character: keep it to yourself.

The Good Life

When Life Is Good 

Sometimes we talk over our own bliss. Allotting ourselves just a few moments of quiet observation each day can help us see how beautiful our lives really are.

The Rockbrook Guide to Winter

If you are reading this right now, then you are more than likely caught in the midst of the Polar Vortex. And while it’s true that “Polar Vortex” sounds like the rejected title for a cheesy sci-fi novel, the reality of icy arctic winds swirling their way down from Santa’s workshop to where you sit this very moment is enough to make anyone long for an end to winter.

Last Tuesday, each and every US State had temperatures fall below freezing (true, you had to climb to the top of the highest mountain in Hawaii to find temperatures of 21 degrees, but it totally still counts). This means that, at some point in the last few days, every American Rockbrook camper (including me) has been bundled up against the cold, dreaming of warmer days. To those campers who are warm and snug in the balmy southern hemisphere: oh, how we envy you.

It’s not that winter doesn’t have it’s perks. What’s not to love about hot chocolate, crackling fires, and quiet evenings spent indoors with your family? Winter gives us an opportunity to slow down, appreciate the small things, and enjoy the quiet.

Still though, this Polar Vortex business might be taking this whole “winter” thing a bit too far. Sure, catching snowflakes on your eyelashes is one of life’s beautiful joys—but watching icicles slowly accumulate there is less enjoyable. True, everybody loves bundling up in cozy winter clothes—but when frost begins to weigh down your fur-covered boots, and you begin stomping around like you’re transforming into a Yeti from the toes up, suddenly those clothes are a bit less glamorous.

But, never fear, chilly Rockbrook-ers! Nothing brightens a gloomy day like a smidge of camp cheer—and lucky for us all, that camp cheer is available to us even in the Polar Vortex-iest of days. All you have to do is take some of those classic camp staples, and give them a little tweak, and voila! Winterized Rockbrook!

1. S’mores Hot Chocolate

S'mores Hot Chocolate


Oh yeah, you read that right. Hot chocolate AND s’mores, in one stunningly delicious concoction. We all know that camp just isn’t camp without those three heavenly ingredients coming together at least once to form the most perfect three-bite snack in the history of both bites and snacks. But why should you wait until summer comes around to enjoy this beautiful treat? There are tons of recipes out there for S’mores Hot Chocolate, but this one is absolutely the most delicious.

2. Chevron Scarf

Needlecraft

Needlecraft is one of my favorite activities at camp. What could be more peaceful than sitting on the shady back porch of Curosty, listening to the stream ripple past, and knitting up some Christmas presents for your family? Quiet, cozy winter evenings give you the perfect opportunity to work on your needlecraft skills. And you don’t have to choose just one boring old color for that scarf you’re working on (unless it’s Rockbrook Red—Rockbrook Red is never boring). We like to spend our summers perfecting all sorts of exciting patterns for friendship bracelets—why not use one of those? Find a knitting pattern for a chevron patterned scarf, which can remind you all winter of those beautiful bracelets that your mom made you cut off in October because they were kind of starting to smell.

3. Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins

Muffin Break

Every coffee shop in the country spends all winter throwing pumpkin flavoring into every drink and snack they offer, but we all know that the best pumpkin-flavored snacks are the little morsels that our camp-baker-extraordinaire (Katie) cooks up for muffin break. I talked to Katie yesterday, and she pointed me in the direction of a pumpkin chocolate chip muffin recipe that is almost identical to hers. I know this post is supposed to be about “winterizing” camp traditions, but let’s be honest, there’s no need to winterize muffins. Muffins are excellent at all times, and in all weathers. Of course, everyone knows that these muffins taste best when eaten outside in the sunshine, after a morning of camp activities, but that doesn’t mean they can’t make a gloomy winter day a little more delicious.

4. Campfire Bonding

Campfire

What are the three most important elements of a campfire? Being with people that you love, some good music, and, of course, a fire. There’s no law that says a campfire has to be outside. All you have to do is start up a fire in your fireplace, gather around it with your family and friends, leave those cell phones and computers far, far away, and just enjoy being with one another. And don’t forget to sing. Whether you’re singing Christmas carols, old camp songs, or the latest offering from T-Swift, there’s nothing quite like singing to chase away the bite of winter, and remind you that summer can’t be far away.

This is the time of year is when camp starts to feel furthest away from us—it seems like a horribly long time since we’ve been there, and an even more horribly long time until we get to be there again. But even on those coldest days, when the news is filled with headlines about “Polar Vortexes,” “Snowmaggedons,” and “Snowpocalypses,” the spirit of camp is never really that far from us. Sure, throwing on our swimsuits and jumping into the lake isn’t really an option, and it’s probably not the best idea to go white water rafting, or to have a shaving cream fight, but all it takes is a little creativity, and you can give any boring old winter day a bit of camp flare. And these aren’t the only ideas out there—if you can think of any other ways to give winter a camp-y twist, feel free to post them in the comments section, or on the Rockbrook Facebook page!

So enjoy your snow days, fellow Rockbrook-ers—summer will be here before you know it!

Camp Fun

All Good in the Neighborhood

Telephone

While reading through the newest American Camp Association’s Camping Magazine, one article in particular caught my attention.  The article, CAMP: The Old Neighborhood for a New Generation by Jolly Corley, suggests that with school schedules more intense than ever before, it may be that kids are more intellectually stimulated than previous generations.  However, today’s youth may be missing out on learning valuable life skills.  Skills such as conflict management, problem solving, leadership and decision making.  Skills which are learned most effectively through free play.  Corley suggests that today’s generation needs unstructured play time more than children of past generations.

look up!

The best place to practice these life skills is camp.  While American neighborhoods used to be the perfect setting for free play, this is no longer the case.  The old neighborhood was a place “where kids were free to play from the time they finished chores until they were called inside for dinner.”  An old neighborhood was one where children played free of adults, with kids of all ages, and often made up their own games and rules.  A neighborhood which still very much exists at camp.  This neighborhood is one that allows campers to practice developing soft skills that are necessary to succeed in life.

going herping!

Every day at camp, campers are able to play with one another free from the interference of adults.  These interactions enable them to develop interpersonal skills that the typical school environment may not allow them to.  For example, a group of campers may decide that they want to play tennis during their free time.  Without adults telling them what to do, it is necessary for them to decide how to split up.  Will they play doubles or singles?  Who will be on each team?  Once the game gets going, they are in charge of regulating it.  Was that ball in or out?  Allowing campers to work these things out on their own will help them build lifelong skills in decision making and conflict management.

different ages on float

In addition to these skills, campers are also able to learn leadership skills through play with different age groups.  Free play with younger children provides an opportunity for older children and adolescents to “practice nurturance and leadership.” Coley also explains how playing with older children can help younger ones to “problem solve in ways that are more sophisticated than what they are developmentally capable of if left on their own or playing with children of their same age.”  The soft skills that children gain through free play are necessary for those who are going to see success later in life.

different age girls

Never has the camp experience been as important as it is today.  Gone are the days that children can roam around with the neighborhood kids playing pick up basketball games and hide-and-seek.  Their schedules are rigid, their school work is more demanding than ever, and many parents fear leaving their children without adult supervision.  This is where camp comes in.  Camp creates an environment similar to the old American neighborhood, and it’s a safe one.  Children practice skills such as problem solving, conflict management, and leadership through free play with other children of all ages.  Most importantly, they don’t even realize that they’re doing it.  They’re having the time of their lives, and they’re growing exponentially.

Deeds For Our Daughters

Whether we have children or not, we are always in a position to change the world. Every day, we can choose to engage in ways that can inspire a younger generation. A few small changes in our own lives can make a world of difference to the girls who look up to us. We can teach the girls in our lives to take themselves seriously while continuing to navigate through a fun, playful life full of meaning and love.

Kayak girl big shout

Ignore More Mirrors
The time we spend plucking, primping, analyzing, pulling, highlighting, and altering our appearance in front of a mirror speaks volumes to our daughters. Learning to appreciate our own natural image will help our daughters understand the beauty in who they are- just as they are.

Read More Books
Engaging ourselves intellectually and emotionally through literature encourages our daughters to do the same. Books allow us to travel to exotic places and meet new people. More than that, however, books introduced us to topics and emotions that we may not ever experience through everyday living. With every page we turn, our daughters watch us elevate our worldview and sense of self-worth.

Explore Government
Becoming politically informed isn’t about conflict, left-wing versus right-wing, it’s about community. Demonstrating to our daughters that we know and care about politics puts into place a lesson in altruism- people and things exist beyond our own social circles and we should care about them.

Summer swim smile

Find A New Hobby
Learn a language, take a cooking class, start fishing, or camping, or painting, or playing tennis. Do something new, anything new. We help to open the world up for our daughters when we move beyond our own comfort zone.

Compliment Beyond Clothes
Move away from compliments that highlight physical appearance- that cute bow, those beautiful curls, new shoes. We can value our daughters with praise founded on their intellectual accomplishments, conversation style, and athletic or artistic feats. We can help our daughters move away from a life of being pretty and into to a life of doing good.

Calculate Tip Without a Calculator
More women than ever are moving into the math and science sectors of the workforce. Practicing mental math in front of our daughters make numbers and logic commonplace. Long division is nothing to be scared of!

Get Angry
Get angry. It’s not an emotion we should hide from our daughters. Things will upset us. We can let our daughters watch us experience anger without any shame or guilt attached to the emotion. We can also demonstrate to them how to process anger in a healthy, productive way.

Laugh
Laugh daily and laugh loudly. We can bring joy into our own lives by teaching our daughters that life is funny and lovely. Shining bright and living hard not only lightens up our own path, but may even illuminate the way for those following in our footsteps.

You can apply these anytime! Whether it’s working at camp or living your broader life, you can make a difference.

Basketball campers